Kathy O'Keefe | How One Resident Is Providing Education and Resources To Our Community
On this week’s episode of Around Flower Mound, we chat with a resident who brings joy and light to our community, my friend Kathy O’Keefe. Kathy lost her 18-year-old son to an accidental overdose, and quickly went on to start the nonprofit organization WTF, Winning The Fight, to provide education, resources, and support to those dealing with addiction. She also has over 30 years of experience in sales and marketing, and has been a Flower Mound resident since 1996.
“We lacked education, therefore, I lacked understanding of what Brett was actually going through. I looked at it as, at the time, more as kind of a moral failure, that he was making bad decisions. And then as the education started rolling in, and that was towards the end of his life, I realized that's really what we needed. We needed education, we needed support. So that's what we're doing,” says Kathy.
We chat about her experience creating Winning The Fight, as well as:
Community events and service offered by WTF
The effects of COVID on mental health
Family and Flower Mound’s community as a support network
And more
Mentioned in this episode:
Transcript
Nicole Smith Woodard: Today, I am so excited to introduce you to an absolutely fantastic Flower Mound resident. As you know, around Flower Mound is all about bringing light to community leaders, business owners, parents and charities within our fantastic community. We in Flower Mound are so blessed to have a neighbor and fellow resident who brings joy and light to so many. Welcome my friend, Kathy O'Keefe.
Kathy O'Keefe: Nicole, thank you so much for having me. That's so exciting.
Nicole: Yes, well, I'm so grateful to have been introduced to you through Cross Timbers Rotary Club. You and your resident, you and your family have been residents of Flower Mound since 1996. Sounds like you would have gotten here in 95 if you could have.
Kathy: Would have gotten here, that's for sure.
Nicole: Well, just a little bit about Kathy before we jump into the questions. On March 20, 2010. Kathy O'Keefe lost her 18-year-old son Brett to an accidental overdose. She quickly started the nonprofit organization WTF, Winning The Fight, to provide others with what was missing for her family, education, resources and support for those dealing with addiction. This has become her life's work.
She has a degree in architecture and has been in sales and marketing for 31 years. She and Ben, her husband of 30 years raised both of their boys in Flower Mound, Texas. So thank you, thank you, thank you for being here, for all the work that you do. And the first question I have for you is, what is your favorite thing about Flower Mound?
Kathy: The people. There's no question. It's so interesting. You know, we're in challenging time with COVID right now and you just see these people reach out and it's kind of like, Hey, I scored toilet paper. But he needs some. I mean, that's kind of where we're at. Just the other day, everybody kind of said, You know what, let's kind of do something for our healthcare workers. And hundreds of people went up to the hospital, sit in their cars and just honk their horns. That's what it's about.
Nicole: Yeah, I totally agree. Now you, so you have an organization that you started, Winning The Fight. So tell us a little bit about what you do and who you want to be a hero to.
Winning The Fight
Kathy: So yeah, as you mentioned, we lost Brett in 2010. And God immediately said, you're doing something and I was like, Oh, okay. So I heeded the advice and started Winning The Fight. And, you know, what we do is education, because we lacked education, therefore, I lacked understanding of what Brett was actually going through. I looked at it more as the time, more as kind of a moral failure, that he was making bad decisions.
And then as the education started rolling in and that was towards the end of his life, I realized that's really what we needed. We needed education, we needed support. So that's what we're doing. People isolate. Ben and I just kind of sat back and isolated. We were, you know, the police were at our house all the time or on our street all the time. So we isolated and now I've got, you know, I'm always at the police station, working with them and stuff. So talk about a turnaround. You know, it's kind of like Okay.
Yeah, they're my best friends. I used to hide from them. Don't open the door, it's the police. But, so now what we do is we just want people to know that it's not uncommon for kids to try drugs. But you can't go through that yourself. They need help. They need direction. And just, you know, people call and go Yeah, I think my kids gonna smoke pot, which I do? Let's lay down some plans. You know, regardless of where you're at in the journey, let's give you some plans so that you have an idea of where to go and that's kind of what I do.
Nicole: That is so valuable. Now you do some community-wide events. I know you do some things that are one on one. What, give us a little range of spectrum of some of those services that you offer.
What Kathy Offers to the Flower Mound Community
Kathy: Okay, so we do, we have all kinds of stuff going on. So the first thing we do, our biggest thing is we do a lot of groups. So we have a parent support group meeting every Tuesday at Faith Lutheran Church. And that gives parents the ability to sit down with other parents then feel like, you know, we share information, We share this worked for me, this didn't work for me. And then once a month, we actually have a professional speaker come in. Usually, they're therapists, but not always. We have a professional speaker come in and they may do a thing on depression or anxiety.
And we open that up to the public. So once a month, we do a public kind of program. And then we also do a program, typically another one or two programs throughout the year that are community-based programs as well. Like, we did a thing called Just Breathe. And it was a documentary on anxiety. And then we brought in 11 therapists to actually work one on one with groups so that they could actually work with their families and have tools in their hands to work with their kids or work with whoever in their family that might have anxiety.
So we do a lot of that. We also have a group for people who have lost somebody to substance use. You know, we fall into a weird little category. So when you go to a grief group, a lot of people, you know, my father died, he was 86, he had cancer. And then it's like my 18-year-old son died from a heroin overdose and everybody's heads twist, you know, and you're like, Oh. So we thought, you know, let's just give them their own group.
And unfortunately, we've had a bunch of people that come and want to come and want to be supported by each other. So we have that. And then just recently, we, you know, I keep talking to all these parents that are raising their grandchildren or people that are raising a niece or nephew or my friend's daughter because of substance use, whether they've lost the parent or the parents in jail, or they're out using.
So I thought, you know, they get no support. If you're a foster parent, you get support, but if, they get no support. So we started that and then COVID got in the way. So we're going to kind of hold up and as soon as we can start having meetings, again, we're going to start promoting that and give those people a little bit of a hand. I mean, they need some recognition that they're going through a lot of stuff.
Nicole: Yes. Well, and, you know, obviously, we're bringing light to Flower Mound and all the wonderful things and the wonderful people about Flower Mound. But I think it's surprising how prevalent the needs are even in our community for something like what it is that Winning The Fight offers.
Kathy: Well, you know, we have substance use everywhere. Whether it's alcohol, it doesn't matter where you live, we have a problem. And, you know, we could get rid of that problem if we could get a grip on our mental health or on our trauma because if we didn't have trauma, and we didn't have the mental health, nobody would be substance using. It would very be very limited. But people are using substances to get away, to make the pain go away, to make the feelings go away.
And that's where the education so important because, you know, we send our kids into elementary school and high school and stuff, we send our kids every year at the beginning of the school year for a well check. But we're not sending them for a mental well check, a mental health check. And we kind of need to start looking at that because again, most of this stuff starts from anxiety, depression, trauma, and there's plenty of trauma. And those are the things, it's not that we have a drug problem, we just, people, we have to pay attention to people's emotions.
Nicole: Yeah. Well, and you do such a great job of just shedding the light on it. And I think that's one of the things I've always enjoyed about you is just your transparency. And you're just so quick, you're so quick to laugh. And, you know, obviously, your life changed in unspeakable dramatic ways in 2010 and you pivoted.
And of course, pivot's a word we're hearing a lot about today to bring this much-needed resource to our community into this world. So what, in the context of what all that you've seen and done, and in the context of what you were just saying about why people substance abuse, what would you say to people right now, whose lives are changing so dramatically because of the COVID virus or because of the economics of the COVID virus?
COVID and Mental Health
Kathy: Well, this is just untouched territory and we're all kind of winging it here. But we really kind of need to give ourselves a break. And I'm hard on myself about that. You know, we're sitting at home, I'm not real motivated. But I think that if people reach out and let others know this is what I'm going through, I did that the other day. I actually posted something on Facebook going okay, I am not motivated.
I sit around. I, you know, I can't, I'm bored with Pinterest. And I'm like, I've seen this all over. Who could get bored with Pinterest? There's too many pictures that I've seen already. I mean, seriously? So I mean, like and so then I started identifying I'm kind of getting angry. Because all of a sudden, I'm swearing at home and stuff. And I'm like, Where's that coming from? So I caught it in myself. And I posted about that just kind of like, Hey, I'm sorry if I've kind of been short with you. But so many people came back and was like, I'm feeling the same thing.
Thank you. It's okay for us to identify and say that we're not feeling great. It's okay for us not to be perfect. And we just, we're so bad, especially with Facebook, you know, my family's perfect. Well, guess what? Mine's not. Mine's not like I said before, the police used to love my house. And I'll gladly say that because it's the reality. We are just not perfect. And we can't pretend to be perfect. And we shouldn't try to be. And that's the hard part.
Nicole: Yeah. Yeah. But I think you're 100%. Right. Well, you, and you, again, bring your gift of transparency. I think social media and just to our world. You have a very creative fundraiser. In fact, I was looking forward to get involved with this year when it got moved out. But how did you come up with the idea for the mini-golf tournament?
Kathy: Well, we were looking for, you know, first of all, we've tried to do things that are family-oriented. And years ago, it came up and it was kind of like, should we have a golf tournament? And I was like, great, my husband will go, I won't even go. I don't golf. But then we were kind of like, well, that's not family either. It's just a bunch of guys on the golf course. So what can we do? And then we have a national park right here in Louisville. And I thought, Okay, so the first year we did it, we probably had about 50 people. And we're going into our ninth year. And we usually have between 300 and 450 people.
Nicole: Wow, that's awesome.
Kathy: Well, and not only that, but then we also have a great silent auction with that. And last year, we put that online so we had like a week, well, then we had to push it out. So it was longer than that. We had time online, and then the auction actually finished that night. So it was really exciting. So now we're kind of in a little bit of a bind because everybody waited until the last minute to go out to get auction items and be shut down now.
So with all my time off, and the creative person I am, I'm like arts and crafts girl here. So I'm painting and we're pouring concrete and we're doing all kinds of stuff. So it's gonna turn into maybe more of an art fair. Kathy and Ben's Art Fair. I don't know. I don't know, I finished painting yesterday, I'm going to try to get another one done today, and we're just doing stuff. Yeah, it's fun. It's fun.
Nicole: So what are the needs of Winning The Fight? And how can people help you expand your reach and the help that you provide?
Lock it Up
Kathy: Our biggest thing right now, well, our biggest thing is education. And because of the fact that, you know, not that we keep all that hidden, but a lot of people don't want others to know that their daughter or son is a drug addict. I had no problem with mine. But anyway, so from a volunteer standpoint, we're kind of limited because of things.
But from a what can you do as a person in the community, there's a bunch of things. First of all, everybody's got medications in their home. Lock it up. Just lock it up. We have, you have no idea how many people steal medications from not just their house, but maybe an aunt uncle's house, maybe a friend comes over and steals medication. Just lock it up. And a lot of people are kind of like, Oh, we don't take anything. Okay, well do you have Benadryl?
Well yeah, we have Benadryl. I have a girl who overdosed three times on Benadryl. So we just, anything that has a dosage on it is considered medication. And definitely pet medication because there's a lot of pet medications and Brett would have taken them in a heartbeat. So that's something. If you're not using a medication, dispose of it. There's drop-offs at Flower Mound Police Department. You literally can take your stuff, throw it in a baggie, just shove it up there.
So you can do that. And then we also have, the community has through DEA we have two take backs a year. So that's another thing. So get just get the medication, keep control of the medication, I guess is a better thing. The other thing is, is if you are struggling or somebody else you know is struggling, let them know you care enough about them and give them my name or give them my number. We're all the over Flower Mound. It's in every bathroom and we don't even care. Seriously, they have, they can't do this on their own.
And you don't realize, it's so interesting because you, it becomes the status quo at home. It just, you know, the ugly gets uglier and uglier. And because you're in it, all of a sudden, it's just the way life is. And then you can sit back and go, I actually said this to a woman the other day. I said, Okay, let me understand this. You have a 24-year-old son who is not living at home, who is running a household of four other people. And she just kind of sat there and said, You are absolutely right. They are hostaged because of his drug use. And that's where they need to kind of say, Okay, I need help. I need help. I need help setting boundaries.
Nicole: Right. Right. So big thing lock up or remove the medication. And if they're struggling, reach out to you, or to, really to anybody that can ultimately find their way to you and someone in your team and then, so and do you have, I know that there's a lot of community support for the work that you do. Is it just you and Ben? Do you have other people on your team that also execute this vision?
Kathy: Yes. Yes, I have a wonderful board, which is fabulous. So, and we've got a lot of just a lot of great thoughts. For the most part, I am the one doing presentations at schools. We're working on that right now. Support groups, I've got other people that can actually run support groups. I'm still doing a lot of them because I have nothing better to do. And I just, I love it, you know? So when people call the number when they call, that's my cell phone number that's everywhere in the world. When they call this number, I'll sit down and talk to them.
And now we worked it out where we're kind of like, we're trying to just stay with people. Kind of like, you know, we'll help them. Let's say their son goes to treatment. So we find a treatment center and then we find the aftercare that's needed. And then they can, they just kind of typically go off. And now we're actually setting up teams to actually keep up with them in a year or six months or whatever, and say, Hey, how are you?
How's everything going? You know, how's Evan? How's he doing? Where's he living? Do need anything? I end every meeting with I go literally around the room and say, is there anything you need? And most of it's prayers, but I remember when we started, one of the kids what's kind of like, to be honest with you, I need a mattress and I was like, okay, because my mattress is bad. I can't sleep. I'm not working well, because my mattress is bad. And I'm like, well, that's ridiculous. And we had a mattress delivered within a few hours.
Nicole: That's awesome. Well, and you take care of a lot of people. Who takes care of you?
Kathy: My husband does. My husband does. And, you know, it's kind of interesting. God just gives me time. Like right now, I feel like he's giving me time. Probably because he knows I have to do arts and crafts. He just gives me time. It's so interesting. We went to Europe for a two-week trip and I'm thinking Oh, how's this gonna go? I took my computer. I can at least tie in there. And it was downtime. Nobody needed help.
Nicole: Oh, wow. Isn't that interesting? That just gives me chills.
Kathy: It does. I mean, I'm just kind of like okay, so when I need downtime, and it's not very often, but when I need downtime, God provides that for me.
Nicole: Wow. Well, I do sense just a burning passion behind the work that you do, obviously fueled by your own experience. And just so unfortunate that that happened. And yet the results of it and the gifts that you continue to bring are so, so wonderful. So all right, do you have time to read? Are you a reader at all? Do you, are there any books you really recommend?
Kathy’s Recommended Reading
Kathy: We have time all over the place now. Well, it's funny because yeah, I was thinking about that. And I've been reading, I like reading murder mystery books. And it's really interesting because I was an avid reader like I would go through two books a week. And when, right, when, like when, right before Brett died. And then Brett, as a matter of fact, we were in San Antonio and I actually had taken two books with me to San Antonio. So we get the notice that Brett died and we get through all that. And all of a sudden, I can't read. I mean, like, I could not read.
I couldn't stay focused. And I was like, and that lasted probably around six to seven years. Maybe even longer. And so I've just started kind of started reading again. I can read short things, but a book, I just couldn't read. And so just recently, I started, you know, venturing out and grabbing books. And it was like, Okay, I'm getting to these books. And here's another book. And here's another book. So I've been doing a lot of that, and my goal was to read a couple books a month, and I've already, what's today's date? The 17th. Yeah. Okay, I'm on my fifth book for the month.
Nicole: Well, see? That's amazing. Isn't it?
Kathy: I know. I have a couple books that I think people should know about that are more related to my career of being the drug queen. But one is Boundaries and it is by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, but it's called Boundaries. And that's a really, we need to learn how to do boundaries. I mean, everybody does. Parents need to, but we all need to learn boundaries. And the other one is Don't Let Your Kids Kill You.
It's really a good book. It's by Charles Rubin, RUBIN. But yeah, Don't Let Your Kids Kill You. And it's, you know, again, kind of the same thing. When I was talking about boundaries, one of my favorite sayings that I learned after Brett, of course, I wish I learned this a long time ago was no is a complete sentence. And we don't know that we always say no, and then there's a but or because.
We always justify but no is the complete sentence. We have to learn that even as adults, I mean, if you asked me, can you do this today? If I don't want to do it, or if I can't do it, I have to be able to say no. And make my boundaries and stick to that. We all need to do that. We're really bad about that.
Nicole: Oh, yeah, rice in my hand right now. That's wonderful. I mean seriously. And like you said, that, I mean, it's just, it's not, it's something we all know and we want to do. It's just hard. It's one thing to know it. It's another thing to live it and to do it.
Kathy: Right. It's a hard thing to do. Just Say no.
Nicole: Yeah, I was just gonna say I love the title of the other one too. Don't Let Your Kids Kill You.
Kathy: Yeah. Don't Let Your Kids Kill You.
Nicole: Not that that's funny, but at the same time, I think, you know, especially for our audience who, you know, who is listening to this point and they understand and they're maybe where you've been or where you are and to just know that there are resources available, there are people available. It's just wonderful. And I just appreciate you so much A for all the work that you do, and B for joining us today on the Around Flower Mound Podcast.
Kathy: Oh thank you so much.
Nicole: Oh, you're so welcome. So how can people connect with you if they want to learn more about your organization or if they need your services?
Kathy: Okay, so my, the phone number that's everywhere is 972-467-7704. And we have a website which is wtf-winningthefight.org. And that whole thing when you go on the website, you can kind of look at why we call the WTF. It's the thing that my son did. Yeah, people are like, What?
Nicole: What the F?
Kathy: Yes. You know, and I'm like, why am I the only one that says, you know, what the heck? But no, it was a, it was, you know, My son was well known for saying it, so we had to use it. And I was like, oh no, we can't use this guys. And then we came up with Winning The Fight and it works. And it's interesting because we have the ability, when I first started, everyone was like, Oh, you can't come because of your name. And now it's like, hey, the church's ministers will be like, hey, Kathy from WTF's here. So we turned that ugliness around.
Nicole: Yeah, that's amazing.
Kathy: And that's what it's about is turning around the ugly.
Nicole: I love that. I love that. Well, you are a true gift to our community and certainly to me as well. So thank you. Thank you again for being here today.
Kathy: Thank you so much.
